I do want to go back to school. I think. I mean, I love school, and the people there, and stuff...
And living in Btown has been great! But I don't make enough to pay rent (ha) and frankly have been getting really bored with myself (then again, I still don't DO anything).
I think I just don't want to go back to school because for the first time in a long time, I have succeeded at something. It's minor, it doesn't pay well, it involves cleaning bathrooms, my feet always hurt and I smell like Americanized-Chinese food. But like...my existence makes other people happy, for the four to six hours I work with them.
Sometimes I just think I'm more people oriented than most engineers. Not saying they're not, it's just...I don't know. My textbooks always talked about pleasing the "end user," but the whole process of doing it was so cold and hands off that it bothered me. I didn't care that the "company" was fake, I wanted to know how our choices affected them and what I could do to change the negative consequences to positive ones.
I know I don't get along with people well, but I always want to do what's best and make lives better. I have these crazy stupid pipe dreams about nonforprofits and prosthetic rehabilitation and helping people walk/see/hear/move their arm, whatever it is.
But frankly, I'm not mechanically inclined, have no design experience, no technical experience, suck at math, can't do 3D visualization worth shit, and I'm constantly stressed about getting internships and jobs and THE FUTURE that I get so stressed before School even starts!
I think my problem is that none of it feels like it'll ever be anything.
And being in this constant state of I don't have anything certain at all is complete madness.
I don't know what makes me happy. I used to say Writing, but that's not it anymore.
When I answer that "If you had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life, what would you be doing with your time?" question, all I ever answer is "help people." ... well... "Help people and have a horde of animals."
Don't worry about moving. I'm just anxious about driving a uhaul but after that, I should be fine.
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And living in Btown has been great! But I don't make enough to pay rent (ha) and frankly have been getting really bored with myself (then again, I still don't DO anything).
I think I just don't want to go back to school because for the first time in a long time, I have succeeded at something. It's minor, it doesn't pay well, it involves cleaning bathrooms, my feet always hurt and I smell like Americanized-Chinese food. But like...my existence makes other people happy, for the four to six hours I work with them.
Sometimes I just think I'm more people oriented than most engineers. Not saying they're not, it's just...I don't know. My textbooks always talked about pleasing the "end user," but the whole process of doing it was so cold and hands off that it bothered me. I didn't care that the "company" was fake, I wanted to know how our choices affected them and what I could do to change the negative consequences to positive ones.
I know I don't get along with people well, but I always want to do what's best and make lives better. I have these crazy stupid pipe dreams about nonforprofits and prosthetic rehabilitation and helping people walk/see/hear/move their arm, whatever it is.
But frankly, I'm not mechanically inclined, have no design experience, no technical experience, suck at math, can't do 3D visualization worth shit, and I'm constantly stressed about getting internships and jobs and THE FUTURE that I get so stressed before School even starts!
I think my problem is that none of it feels like it'll ever be anything.
And being in this constant state of I don't have anything certain at all is complete madness.
I don't know what makes me happy. I used to say Writing, but that's not it anymore.
When I answer that "If you had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life, what would you be doing with your time?" question, all I ever answer is "help people."
...
well...
"Help people and have a horde of animals."
Don't worry about moving. I'm just anxious about driving a uhaul but after that, I should be fine.