I want to do research and design in the field of prosthetics, implants, and the like. I have weird ass dreams sometimes of doing research experiments on rats with grafted tendons on them, or with synthetic polymer tendons. I've seen it in the labs at the BME building, so I know I'm close to that somewhere.

I know that it's hard. I know I'm going to be miserable. And I know there's a chance I could leave school and hate it.

I haven't DONE anything BME related yet. I haven't, plain and simple. I've been in the same track as all the MEs at school and frankly, that sucks. Yes, BME is specialized ME. Yeah, I know. But the specialization is what draws me and I can't tell you if I don't like it or not without having DONE any of it.

I'm not ready to switch, I don't know enough to logically get out. Right now, the only reason I'd leave is because it's hard. That's not a good enough reason for me to leave.

Maybe that's a mistake. Maybe I should be somewhere else. I'm not doing this because it's what everyone has told me to do. Honestly, I've never had anyone tell me they think I can do this. Most people tell me to go be a teacher. I would be a terrible teacher.

Yes, I want to help people. I really do. But have you seen me with people? I'm bad at the hands on stuff.

I'll ask around, sure. But I'm not ready to quit yet. And look, yeah, I never thought of a plan B. I've been so focused on all of this. Because I wanted to do it. I still want to.