I know. And I know I don't seem to have any direction or drive or enthusiasm. I'm still nervous because this is the first choice I made completely on my own. I didn't know you people yet. The only engineers I knew were white men who worked with cars and trucks. And my dad.
I don't want to become my dad, that's one clear direction I have.
I don't think I can say anything that proves I know what the fuck I'm doing, or why. I have pipe dreams that may or may not have anything to do with the work I'm doing now. I have anxiety and am not focused. I'm admitting that. I've done research in my field, I really have. But until I actually do any of it, I can't tell you if I'll like it or not. Seriously, I did BME research to stay awake in my 7:30 biology class.
I'm not sure why you had to justify talking to your sister. I'd love to talk to people about their experiences. I learn from other people, or try to.
I apologize for worrying you while I'm anxious and freaking out. I know my feelings yesterday had nothing to do with the fact that I was going back to Engineering, even though you seem to think they did. The more I think about yesterday, the less I understand my feelings. The moment you posted about school, the melancholy broke to self doubt.
Look, I'm going to be level with you, you (and Drakon, really), are the only two people who ever make me doubt what I'm doing. And I can never justify what I'm doing to you guys.
Thanks for the continual support. Sorry I can't show anything for it.
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Date: 2013-08-15 01:53 am (UTC)I don't want to become my dad, that's one clear direction I have.
I don't think I can say anything that proves I know what the fuck I'm doing, or why. I have pipe dreams that may or may not have anything to do with the work I'm doing now. I have anxiety and am not focused. I'm admitting that. I've done research in my field, I really have. But until I actually do any of it, I can't tell you if I'll like it or not. Seriously, I did BME research to stay awake in my 7:30 biology class.
I'm not sure why you had to justify talking to your sister. I'd love to talk to people about their experiences. I learn from other people, or try to.
I apologize for worrying you while I'm anxious and freaking out. I know my feelings yesterday had nothing to do with the fact that I was going back to Engineering, even though you seem to think they did. The more I think about yesterday, the less I understand my feelings. The moment you posted about school, the melancholy broke to self doubt.
Look, I'm going to be level with you, you (and Drakon, really), are the only two people who ever make me doubt what I'm doing. And I can never justify what I'm doing to you guys.
Thanks for the continual support. Sorry I can't show anything for it.