A series of thoughts
Dec. 2nd, 2015 10:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jynx_tsilevonIn which I need to talk about something, this isn't Tumblr (but I'm going to pretend it is), Why I'm guilty about a game system, and why my mom couldn't buy me a tie (but she did).
-->Yesterday wasn't a good day. Nothing bad happened and my old coworker bought me a Sailor Moon phone charm (Chibi Usagi!). We made progress on our senior design project and for the next three weeks I'll be a living wreck because it's exam rush and project due dates and then Finals Week and if I don't pass Senior Design I can't graduate in May.
-->On Friday I'm getting drunk and doing course evaluations. Okay I won't get drunk but I'm drinking. And my Films instructor is getting all the hell.
-->Fort can't wait till I'm out of school. He thinks I'll be happier and better mentally. I'm terrified I won't get better. And then he'll leave. I wouldn't blame him. I don't ever want him to go though.
--->More bad days than good lately. I hate the end of the semester.
-->I complain too much.
-->My dad sent us a cat bed for Siegmeyer. I think it might be too small. My cat is bigger than the dog I grew up with.
-->I'm already out of "good things" for my One Good Thing posts. It's only been a week.
-->My sister and I fight about stupid things. I no longer trust her to tell the truth and cannot stand her company. She used to be my best friend.
-->When I was a freshman in College, I wanted to get the new Legend of Zelda game that came out. I asked my mom and dad, on separate occasions, for it. I went so far as to send them the exact order link for the collectors edition. It came out over Thanksgiving. My mother forgot about it, or so I thought. I actually got kind of mad about it. I'm still embarrassed about it. I got it sent to me after Christmas. I got to play the game at my mom's house, as she was the only one who had the system I could play it on.
After Sophomore year started, it began to be clear that I wasn't going to come home as much. If at all. I didn't go home for the Holidays. My relationship with my parents began to turn sour, and by the end of Spring Break I'd end up getting myself temporarily disowned.
After I stayed on campus for Thanksgiving, my mother decided that she should send my Christmas Gift to my dorm so I could use it there. She bought me the game system that I could play the LoZ game on. My sister knew of this. When I got the package at the dorm, my sister was there. On the way up to my room, she looked at me and said "Mom bought you your game system. You better be grateful." She took away the surprise, out of spite and anger. Because I was being rewarded, I guess, in her mind.
My sister and I's relationship did not last that summer. It's been getting worse ever since.
-->When I came out out as gender neutral my mother didn't know what to do. She actively rejected the notion. It wasn't real, it couldn't be true, etc. She asked me what I wanted for Xmas. I asked for ties.
Ties are for men, at least to my mother.
It took her three months but she finally bought me a tie. She cried in the department store when she bought it.
When it showed up at my apartment, I couldn't believe who it was from. It wasn't just a tie. It was a nice tie, with cuff-links and a pocket-hankerchief. Plus three long-sleeved button down shirts. None of them fit, but the thought was amazing.
She's gone back to buying me girls clothes and pretending I'm not a neutral. But I won't forget the few days she accepted me.
-->I don't know why I'm whining, my life isn't too bad.
-->I went to bed angry last night. Everything was fine until I tried to sleep.
-->Yesterday wasn't a good day. Nothing bad happened and my old coworker bought me a Sailor Moon phone charm (Chibi Usagi!). We made progress on our senior design project and for the next three weeks I'll be a living wreck because it's exam rush and project due dates and then Finals Week and if I don't pass Senior Design I can't graduate in May.
-->On Friday I'm getting drunk and doing course evaluations. Okay I won't get drunk but I'm drinking. And my Films instructor is getting all the hell.
-->Fort can't wait till I'm out of school. He thinks I'll be happier and better mentally. I'm terrified I won't get better. And then he'll leave. I wouldn't blame him. I don't ever want him to go though.
--->More bad days than good lately. I hate the end of the semester.
-->I complain too much.
-->My dad sent us a cat bed for Siegmeyer. I think it might be too small. My cat is bigger than the dog I grew up with.
-->I'm already out of "good things" for my One Good Thing posts. It's only been a week.
-->My sister and I fight about stupid things. I no longer trust her to tell the truth and cannot stand her company. She used to be my best friend.
-->When I was a freshman in College, I wanted to get the new Legend of Zelda game that came out. I asked my mom and dad, on separate occasions, for it. I went so far as to send them the exact order link for the collectors edition. It came out over Thanksgiving. My mother forgot about it, or so I thought. I actually got kind of mad about it. I'm still embarrassed about it. I got it sent to me after Christmas. I got to play the game at my mom's house, as she was the only one who had the system I could play it on.
After Sophomore year started, it began to be clear that I wasn't going to come home as much. If at all. I didn't go home for the Holidays. My relationship with my parents began to turn sour, and by the end of Spring Break I'd end up getting myself temporarily disowned.
After I stayed on campus for Thanksgiving, my mother decided that she should send my Christmas Gift to my dorm so I could use it there. She bought me the game system that I could play the LoZ game on. My sister knew of this. When I got the package at the dorm, my sister was there. On the way up to my room, she looked at me and said "Mom bought you your game system. You better be grateful." She took away the surprise, out of spite and anger. Because I was being rewarded, I guess, in her mind.
My sister and I's relationship did not last that summer. It's been getting worse ever since.
-->When I came out out as gender neutral my mother didn't know what to do. She actively rejected the notion. It wasn't real, it couldn't be true, etc. She asked me what I wanted for Xmas. I asked for ties.
Ties are for men, at least to my mother.
It took her three months but she finally bought me a tie. She cried in the department store when she bought it.
When it showed up at my apartment, I couldn't believe who it was from. It wasn't just a tie. It was a nice tie, with cuff-links and a pocket-hankerchief. Plus three long-sleeved button down shirts. None of them fit, but the thought was amazing.
She's gone back to buying me girls clothes and pretending I'm not a neutral. But I won't forget the few days she accepted me.
-->I don't know why I'm whining, my life isn't too bad.
-->I went to bed angry last night. Everything was fine until I tried to sleep.
