I used to be fearless, now I'm not even brave

[jynx_tsilevon]

Today I'm going to the Student Activities Office, as recommendation from my RA and my Councilor to deal with the issues that I have raised about the HvZ club. Yesterday I sent an email to some of the LBGT advisers (more raising questions on how to protect myself than anything...and for backup).

Although I've been validated enough (hearing some of my RA's stories about the same thing happening to her in her own life, having more girls come up to me and share their experiences within my organization and others, etc), I am still petrified to be doing this.

What if the SAO people don't believe me? Or worse, they DO believe me and laugh? What if they tell me it's my own problem and I should just "figure it out"? What if I don't have enough "evidence" to build a case? What if I really am just making it up? What happens when the guys figure out I've reported them...again?

Although this is the first time I've taken this issue outside the organization to try to get it solved, I am terrified that I'm going to be met with the same results as when I stayed within the club.

And, shamefully, I'm worried about what's going to happen to me. There IS the possibility that I'm crying wolf, blowing this out of proportion, whatever. I'm putting a target on my chest and yelling at a firing line, in a way. But what happens if the SAO does nothing, I can't find myself a case, really, and the repercussions start falling on me instead? The punishments don't have to be my worst-case-scenarios, and besides the one rumor about a party that "got out of hand," there have never been any recorded physical attacks of females by males in this organization.

But there is other stuff they can do to me, isn't there? I could kiss my staff positions goodbye...I could probably kiss the organization goodbye. I am probably rapidly running myself to an ultimate ban. And that terrifies me. And I don't know why.

And maybe nothing will happen to me at all, Maybe my complaints will find ground. Maybe I can make this organization a truly nonexclusive, nondiscriminatory group.

Comments

[whitemage]

Despite the culture often cultivated on your campus, the SAO MUST address these issues. The kind of behavior you're describing creates a hostile environment, discriminates on sex, and constitutes sexual harassment. These are things the university as a whole could be taken to court for, and could damage their reputation.

If you're nervous about your reception, plan ahead what you're going to say. Write down notes for yourself of the points you want to make. Use keywords and phrases like "hostile environment" and be liberal repeating that you feel unsafe.

While civil cases are technically about "evidence," they aren't so in the same way criminal issues are. As a plaintiff, the burden of proof is NOT on you to prove the accusation: it's on the defending parties to prove they aren't engaging in that behavior. And they have no "proof", either--because they are!

It's okay to be afraid. It's going to happen. It understandably sucks to think about what could happen if you speak up. You're really scared that you could lose something that means a lot to you. It's terrifying to think how things might escalate in retaliation, I'll give you that.

And I would mention that, too, to the SAO. Protection isn't always great for whistleblowers, but as a student, despite being a legal adult, you're the university's responsibility. Make a catalog of the people you can trust, and even ask them to help keep an eye on you if you need.

This is not yelling at the hurricane: it is sounding the storm siren.

[jynx_tsilevon]

The report is filed. I thought I'd feel better. I feel worse.

[whitemage]

*hugs* We are here for you. There will always be people here for you. We care, and we believe you, and we will do whatever we can to support you.

[novel_machinist]

Everything that Ardy says is 100% true. You're doing what needs to be done to make the organization better. Don't make excuses for them, don't say "well it wasn't that bad" or "it could be worse" be 100% honest and don't cover for them. You've already seen that they won't cover for you.