jynx_tsilevon (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jynx_tsilevon) wrote2013-04-10 11:26 am
jynx_tsilevon) wrote2013-04-10 11:26 am
Entry tags:
Reputation, Action, and Judgement
I think I'm growing up?
I got a call from the Kroger that's a walking distance away from where I will be subleasing this summer. They want me to call them back a week from when I move out of my dorm, to set up the interview. Fingers crossed.
That being said
Drakon saved my ass again. For which I am terribly grateful.
Monday night she was helping me budget for my summer. And she rappidly revealed two things to me:
1) I did not have enough to live over the summer, even working 40 hours a week. (That being said, I had to, in fact, get a job working 40 hours a week, which I do not quite have).
2) I needed a loan and didn't know how to get one.
Cue Jynx having a breakdown and yelling at Drak? (check)
Cue Drak taking no shit and somehow not strangling Jynx? (check)
Cue Jynx realizing there's still a lot to learn about this adult business? (awkward big red check)
I guess I haven't been lying to anyone when I said I was really broke.
Tuesday I applied for the loan, because (luckily!) I had two offers outstanding because I hadn't needed to use them or the school year. So I took one of them.
I didn't think to ask when I'd get the access to the loan, however. simple things that slip my mind.
Today I found out. And got the last of the paperwork done, I think. And changed my financial accounts so DB (Previously Sir, changed to not reference a fictional vampire and represent my adopted male parental unit)cannot go in and change where money goes to. And tonight Drakon is going to help me budget again.
I need to be more consciously aware with how I deal with things, however. Drakon repeatedly had to ask me to do very obvious things (like ask where and when I was going to get the money I needed to live, for example) before I'd actually do them. And that's not fair to her or people who offer to help me in the future.
I also need to not shut down and take my mistakes or lack of knowledge out on the people trying to help me.
I know it's from lack of experience that I don't know where money comes from, or how to pay bills, or how to actually take care of myself (as Drakon keeps pointing out, apparently just not eating because it's cheaper is stupid and yet I think it's a logical thing...for example.) Truly I'm just embarrassed, but I'm working through it. Hopefully.
Much thanks to Drakon for the patience in the last three days of me completely shutting down.
And for all the help in the future...because somehow I haven't annoyed you all to death yet.
Monday I was selected as one of six to represent my school's chapter of NOGLSTP (National Organization of Gay and Lesbian Scientists and Technical Professionals) at the Student Organization Awards Gala on Wednesday...which is today.
Tuesday I applied to go to Uganda. It's a service trip for Engineers without Boarders, and we're doing the assessment portion this summer. So far, no one has applied for the team. I don't know if I'll be picked, either, but it's all expenses paid (we found out that on Tuesday too, because magic grants came from nowhere. Seriously, the officer's board cried. We didn't think we could fund the trip...) and at the end of August before school starts. It's something I want to do. Who knows if I'd actually be helpful. But this is the first trip, and it's the stage where we go and meet the community that contacted us for help, and see what it is they want us to help with, instead of assuming the contact (which is normally a government run organization) knows everything. As a group, we've decided to approach this differently than our previous projects. We fell into the engineering "we can save the world! here!" problem the last time, and we realize now that the most important thing is being as transparent as possible and letting the community tell us what to do, rather than the other way around. A mistake that failed this organization's last project (among other things, I was told).
Tuesday I also attended my first Anthropology workshop. And I am sad I didn't attend the others, but I have 7 pages of helpful notes that really opened my eyes to things.
And finally
Tuesday I realized I'd made the terrible mistake of judging someone before I knew them.
Hurricane (that's her nickname, I'm not lying) is another member of the HvZ organization I am in. She's been around longer than I have, and when I met her, I thought she was cold and standoffish. She has been the Treasurer for awhile and I didn't realize that she was in the process of trying to rebuild parts of Co4 because the constitution and everything else had just disapeared (Co4, reminder: council of four, or the president, vp, treasurer, and secretary in charge of the organization) as well as work a full time job, go to school, and a score of other things.
I was also sure she hated me because I was the one who tended to bring a lot of drama with me.
Events before and finally on Tuesday made me realize I had made a terrible judgement.
Hurricane and I were talking, before spring break, about how the government doesn't look at students and their parents income really fairly (specifically when your parents "can" pay for college but don't, for whatever reason. For her, it's because " parents can" pay for college means taking out a second mortgage on their house and both of them working full time...and maybe her mom got a second job? Can't remember for sure. And with me...well you all know my situation.) So we basically spilled guts on our families. She told me how much she appreciated hers, but why she was trying to be financial independent of them (simply because of the stress on her parents and how she was ready to move on, which they appreciated). I gave her my fun story in a nutshell, and this was before DB and I got arguing.
After spring break came HvZ Week planning. While staff was in high gear, I was running around panicking because was I disowned? What was DB doing? Hurricane was around when I apologized if I completely fell apart on my duties for the week because of what happened.
Hurricane called me that night and asked if I had a place to stay, and if not, she had a spare room. She also paid for me to go out to dinner with the rest of Co4 and Officers after our random emergency adviser meeting (that she requested I come to in the first place...which was awesome).
Since that meeting, actually, we've talked a lot about what we like about Staff, what we want to do with the organization, what has blown up in our lives, sort of thing. We have a lot in common.
But last night, after talking for an hour after randomly running into each other in the Union, was when I really realized my mistake. Because before, I just assumed officers look out for each other.
We got talking about sexuality and gender after I gave her a flyer for the LBGTQIA Film Festival. Like...she was excited when I handed it to her. And that surprised me.
Then she told me that, since meeting me, she's done a lot of research about asexuals. She's from the East Coast, so she's a lot more open minded than most people I meet. When I told her I was thankful for her doing that, and for being supportive of not only me but the LBGT+ community on campus and around, she looked at me and smiled. And said this:
"Well, when my friend is something I don't know, I take it upon myself to understand it. Because my ignorance is no excuse for making my friends uncomfortable."
So
1) Hurricane and I are friends (wooooooooooooooo!)
2) Her process when confronted by a new situation or ideology, is to understand it, not judge it.
It's just so different from what I grew up with, and around (We talked about that too).
I had a lot of fun learning about (and from) Hurricane, and hope we get to talk more soon.
I got a call from the Kroger that's a walking distance away from where I will be subleasing this summer. They want me to call them back a week from when I move out of my dorm, to set up the interview. Fingers crossed.
That being said
Drakon saved my ass again. For which I am terribly grateful.
Monday night she was helping me budget for my summer. And she rappidly revealed two things to me:
1) I did not have enough to live over the summer, even working 40 hours a week. (That being said, I had to, in fact, get a job working 40 hours a week, which I do not quite have).
2) I needed a loan and didn't know how to get one.
Cue Jynx having a breakdown and yelling at Drak? (check)
Cue Drak taking no shit and somehow not strangling Jynx? (check)
Cue Jynx realizing there's still a lot to learn about this adult business? (awkward big red check)
I guess I haven't been lying to anyone when I said I was really broke.
Tuesday I applied for the loan, because (luckily!) I had two offers outstanding because I hadn't needed to use them or the school year. So I took one of them.
I didn't think to ask when I'd get the access to the loan, however. simple things that slip my mind.
Today I found out. And got the last of the paperwork done, I think. And changed my financial accounts so DB (Previously Sir, changed to not reference a fictional vampire and represent my adopted male parental unit)cannot go in and change where money goes to. And tonight Drakon is going to help me budget again.
I need to be more consciously aware with how I deal with things, however. Drakon repeatedly had to ask me to do very obvious things (like ask where and when I was going to get the money I needed to live, for example) before I'd actually do them. And that's not fair to her or people who offer to help me in the future.
I also need to not shut down and take my mistakes or lack of knowledge out on the people trying to help me.
I know it's from lack of experience that I don't know where money comes from, or how to pay bills, or how to actually take care of myself (as Drakon keeps pointing out, apparently just not eating because it's cheaper is stupid and yet I think it's a logical thing...for example.) Truly I'm just embarrassed, but I'm working through it. Hopefully.
Much thanks to Drakon for the patience in the last three days of me completely shutting down.
And for all the help in the future...because somehow I haven't annoyed you all to death yet.
Monday I was selected as one of six to represent my school's chapter of NOGLSTP (National Organization of Gay and Lesbian Scientists and Technical Professionals) at the Student Organization Awards Gala on Wednesday...which is today.
Tuesday I applied to go to Uganda. It's a service trip for Engineers without Boarders, and we're doing the assessment portion this summer. So far, no one has applied for the team. I don't know if I'll be picked, either, but it's all expenses paid (we found out that on Tuesday too, because magic grants came from nowhere. Seriously, the officer's board cried. We didn't think we could fund the trip...) and at the end of August before school starts. It's something I want to do. Who knows if I'd actually be helpful. But this is the first trip, and it's the stage where we go and meet the community that contacted us for help, and see what it is they want us to help with, instead of assuming the contact (which is normally a government run organization) knows everything. As a group, we've decided to approach this differently than our previous projects. We fell into the engineering "we can save the world! here!" problem the last time, and we realize now that the most important thing is being as transparent as possible and letting the community tell us what to do, rather than the other way around. A mistake that failed this organization's last project (among other things, I was told).
Tuesday I also attended my first Anthropology workshop. And I am sad I didn't attend the others, but I have 7 pages of helpful notes that really opened my eyes to things.
And finally
Tuesday I realized I'd made the terrible mistake of judging someone before I knew them.
Hurricane (that's her nickname, I'm not lying) is another member of the HvZ organization I am in. She's been around longer than I have, and when I met her, I thought she was cold and standoffish. She has been the Treasurer for awhile and I didn't realize that she was in the process of trying to rebuild parts of Co4 because the constitution and everything else had just disapeared (Co4, reminder: council of four, or the president, vp, treasurer, and secretary in charge of the organization) as well as work a full time job, go to school, and a score of other things.
I was also sure she hated me because I was the one who tended to bring a lot of drama with me.
Events before and finally on Tuesday made me realize I had made a terrible judgement.
Hurricane and I were talking, before spring break, about how the government doesn't look at students and their parents income really fairly (specifically when your parents "can" pay for college but don't, for whatever reason. For her, it's because " parents can" pay for college means taking out a second mortgage on their house and both of them working full time...and maybe her mom got a second job? Can't remember for sure. And with me...well you all know my situation.) So we basically spilled guts on our families. She told me how much she appreciated hers, but why she was trying to be financial independent of them (simply because of the stress on her parents and how she was ready to move on, which they appreciated). I gave her my fun story in a nutshell, and this was before DB and I got arguing.
After spring break came HvZ Week planning. While staff was in high gear, I was running around panicking because was I disowned? What was DB doing? Hurricane was around when I apologized if I completely fell apart on my duties for the week because of what happened.
Hurricane called me that night and asked if I had a place to stay, and if not, she had a spare room. She also paid for me to go out to dinner with the rest of Co4 and Officers after our random emergency adviser meeting (that she requested I come to in the first place...which was awesome).
Since that meeting, actually, we've talked a lot about what we like about Staff, what we want to do with the organization, what has blown up in our lives, sort of thing. We have a lot in common.
But last night, after talking for an hour after randomly running into each other in the Union, was when I really realized my mistake. Because before, I just assumed officers look out for each other.
We got talking about sexuality and gender after I gave her a flyer for the LBGTQIA Film Festival. Like...she was excited when I handed it to her. And that surprised me.
Then she told me that, since meeting me, she's done a lot of research about asexuals. She's from the East Coast, so she's a lot more open minded than most people I meet. When I told her I was thankful for her doing that, and for being supportive of not only me but the LBGT+ community on campus and around, she looked at me and smiled. And said this:
"Well, when my friend is something I don't know, I take it upon myself to understand it. Because my ignorance is no excuse for making my friends uncomfortable."
So
1) Hurricane and I are friends (wooooooooooooooo!)
2) Her process when confronted by a new situation or ideology, is to understand it, not judge it.
It's just so different from what I grew up with, and around (We talked about that too).
I had a lot of fun learning about (and from) Hurricane, and hope we get to talk more soon.
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