I want things to be better
Jul. 21st, 2015 10:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I'm going to a Con where I will see Pack Leader again. (Same Pack Leader I complain about a lot on Tumblr. If you want the full story, message me.)
Thing is, I can't wait to see him! 'Cause I miss him, and it's been two years! Almost...since things started falling to pieces. And he wants to see me!
However Owl can't get within like... 10 feet of him.
While he understands there will be times that we cross paths on accident--this is a big con, though, so it's not like it'll be a common occurrence--Pack Leader has specifically asked that if I come to hang out, Owl does not. Pack Leader and his girl friend want nothing to do with Owl anymore.
That fucking pisses me off. It breaks me into like eighteen pieces of loathing and sadness. But I also understand.
I kept thinking we'd all be able to be friends again. I kept holding out. But I know it's not the case. And whatever, I can make sure that we all don't cross paths. I probably won't hang out with Pack Leader as much as I wanted to, but that's fine.
I wish Owl and Pack Leader could talk again. I feel like--even if thy wouldn't be friends--they could get past this stage they're in now. Owl wants things to be fixed, but he now believes it is impossible. And well...
Pack Leader and I could compete for who is most stubborn.
I just...half the reason this Con is so stressful for me is the fact that I will always be torn between two groups. One that likes me and Owl, and one that likes me but hates Owl.
And that's just going to be a nightmare. Because I can't let Owl notice I'm stressed, or he'll try to fix it.
And I don't want to be alone for the whole Con if he thinks "fixing it" means "going somewhere so Jynx can hang with people without me."
Growing up is about learning to deal with complex interpersonal conflict outside of your control.
Or it certainly seems like it.
no subject
Date: 2015-07-21 05:10 pm (UTC)Whatever has happened between them, for a "friend" of yours to not approve of Owl who is supportive and loving towards you is kind of just not right.
I really understand wanting to hope against hope that you can keep being friends with this person.
But if he can't accept Owl who you want as a big part of your life, how can he accept you?
Maybe that sounds harsh, but I would honestly let go of him. Owl is good for you. People who make ultimatums on your friendship are not.